My things peek out at me from boxes. Timid and nervous, they await their fate. It depresses me slightly how few things I own, especially considering I'll be getting rid of half the boxes barely taking up space in my tiny apartment.
My apartment, at first of symbol of my new found freedom, has become my confinement. I am a modern Rapunzel, 15 stories up, looking out at a landscape of endless glass and steel. Softly, I hum memories of the world outside, quietly building inertia. How I wish I could let down my hair...
I'm on edge now. My things are staring at me vacantly. They seem unfamiliar, as if they had appeared overnight. Who bought this blender? Who mopped this floor and washed these pots and pans for the past year? I feel disconnected from these things and eager to hand them over to someone else.
I own one week in Korea and a couple of boxes of junk.
So this is what I've made of my life, I think... But, then, something inside me swells up indignantly. Yes! That's right! This is what I've made of my life. I can pack it up in two suitcases and move it where I please. I can give much of it away without pain. I am not weighted down, I am not drowning in stuff.
I own two suitcases and a future filled with adventure.
The surge of passion quickly recedes to calmness tinged with confusion. I'm fairly certain that I'm living for something, but I still can't be sure what it is. I've often wondered over the past few years if it was possible to live life differently, and then whether or not it was entirely selfish. Now, sitting her among my boxes, I know the answers are "of course" and "irrelevant." Still, there must be some method to my madness. We humans continually seek patterns out of chaos, stability in the most volatile of existences.
So, here I sit, seeking meaning in the clutter of my boxed possessions, imagining that it matters one bit whether I have two suitcases or twenty. No, I suppose it doesn't matter at all.
Perched on the edge of uncertainty yet again, I can't help but feel a little frightened. I think back to that flight, over one year ago, from New York to Hong Kong. That flight where I verged on hysteria, clutching letters from home and spilling orange juice on innocent bystanders. This time the fear is different. This time I know it's so much more than okay to feel afraid. It's absolutely vital.
I don't know much about the future. I won't even venture to guess. All I know is that I want to watch the concrete crumble until it is fine sand. I want to trade city lights for constellations and I want to climb down from my enclosure on the fifteenth floor and feel the ground beneath me again.
And so, I'll turn out the lights and close the door one last time. I'll get on that plane and I'll live my life out of two suitcases. Who knows? Maybe I'll even whittle it down to one.
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Monday, February 22, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Seoul of My Story: An Imaginary Day
The early morning air in Seoul is soft and heavy with mist. As I stretch out in the cool damp grass, the world is painted in lavender. My fingers idly pluck at blades as the sky tints pink, warming despite the chill in the air. The amorous Han River mirrors the abundant sky, enthralled by the kaleidoscopic moods of the air.
I too am captivated by the scene. The prodigious high rises of Seoul reach towards the now vivid orange sky, marching outward to infinity. They are giants; monuments to human ingenuity and progress; antagonists to the gentle mountains rolling across the horizon. They speak to me across generations, their multi-linguistic signs heralding a new era in the life of the city. They whisper secrets about the future, now while it is quiet, while most of the city silently sleeps.
Gentle clouds roll in as the sky becomes tranquil blue. I am no longer alone in my grassy haven. People filter in from all over the city, eager to share the sunshine and delicate breeze. They unfurl blankets and set out picnics. Motorboats skim across the surface of the river and bicycles buzz through winding footpaths. Children chase each other through the trees as bemused parents look on. The city has awoken and once again it thrives.
Closing my eyes I imagine the Han River before the arrival of people and construction of skyscrapers. I picture it flowing silently from the mountains, gradually gaining momentum until it rushes ecstatically into the Yellow Sea after a journey of over 500 kilometers. I see trade ships proudly roaming it waters, bringing prosperity and growth. I see wars being fought for its control and the waters running red. I imagine, much later, the same waters rippling beneath the oars of the 1988 Olympic rowers, testaments to the peace which long ago stilled the gentle river.
Restless, I wander into the city where gleaming office towers interweave with traditional palaces and temples. It's only a short subway ride from the Han River to Insa-dong, Seoul's famous artists' neighborhood. A small knot of streets in Seoul's Jongno-gu district, Insa-dong has specialized in the antiques market for centuries. It's fusion of the traditional and the modern make it a perfect microcosm of Seoul itself. Historical architecture abounds, most notably Jogyesa, a Korean Buddhist temple and Unhyeongung, a former royal residence.
Any wanderer could easily pass the hours perusing the many antique shops and galleries lining Insa-dong's alleyways. Here, contemporary art mingles with ancient pottery and vintage jewelry. Books with well worn covers wait to tell their stories while hand made paper begs for new stories to be written. There is something here for every eye, and I browse slowly, finding treasures among the multitude.
Weary shoppers can stop for a cup of tea in one of the many traditional tea houses or modern cafes in the area. I order a warm cup of daechu-cha, or jujube tea. Its aroma and deep red color are equally as pleasing as its sweet flavor. The tea is served in a beautiful earthenware cup with slivers of jujube and pine nuts floating along its surface. Some say the jujube helps alleviate stress, and curled up in my chair, I can certainly feel its magic. Fully relaxed, I drift back into the street and head home, arms laden with bags.
By now the sun is sinking low in the sky, peeking between the industrial giants before disappearing beneath the mountains. I sit down at an outdoor restaurant with a friend and order steaming pots of soon dubu jjigae, a favorite of mine. The spicy soup brimming with tofu and vegetables is served in a stone bowl which keeps it bubbling hot long after it arrives at the table. My skin flushes as I eat spoonfuls of the spicy liquid, warming me as the air cools and the night rolls in over the city.
We finish our meal and seek out the highest bar we can find for a glass of wine and a view. The mountains in the distance are a study in texture and hue. They multiply and saturate until the deepest blues melt into the soft night air. We sit silently a long while and a feeling of gratitude swells inside of me for all of seen and done and learned over the past year. Meanwhile the light of day softens into the glow of night.
The neon lights of the city beckon us, drawing us back into its center. The intersections are draped in webs of pedestrians, all eager to partake in Seoul's legendary nightlife. Vendors line the busy streets and a mosaic of street food smells fill the air. There are thousands of bars and cafes in the city, but no matter which one we choose, we always manage to find a familiar face or discover a new friend. Tonight should be no different. Surely some adventure awaits us in the ever vigilant city of Seoul. Another chapter in an infinite volume, a story as of yet, untold.
I too am captivated by the scene. The prodigious high rises of Seoul reach towards the now vivid orange sky, marching outward to infinity. They are giants; monuments to human ingenuity and progress; antagonists to the gentle mountains rolling across the horizon. They speak to me across generations, their multi-linguistic signs heralding a new era in the life of the city. They whisper secrets about the future, now while it is quiet, while most of the city silently sleeps.
Gentle clouds roll in as the sky becomes tranquil blue. I am no longer alone in my grassy haven. People filter in from all over the city, eager to share the sunshine and delicate breeze. They unfurl blankets and set out picnics. Motorboats skim across the surface of the river and bicycles buzz through winding footpaths. Children chase each other through the trees as bemused parents look on. The city has awoken and once again it thrives.
Closing my eyes I imagine the Han River before the arrival of people and construction of skyscrapers. I picture it flowing silently from the mountains, gradually gaining momentum until it rushes ecstatically into the Yellow Sea after a journey of over 500 kilometers. I see trade ships proudly roaming it waters, bringing prosperity and growth. I see wars being fought for its control and the waters running red. I imagine, much later, the same waters rippling beneath the oars of the 1988 Olympic rowers, testaments to the peace which long ago stilled the gentle river.
Restless, I wander into the city where gleaming office towers interweave with traditional palaces and temples. It's only a short subway ride from the Han River to Insa-dong, Seoul's famous artists' neighborhood. A small knot of streets in Seoul's Jongno-gu district, Insa-dong has specialized in the antiques market for centuries. It's fusion of the traditional and the modern make it a perfect microcosm of Seoul itself. Historical architecture abounds, most notably Jogyesa, a Korean Buddhist temple and Unhyeongung, a former royal residence.
Any wanderer could easily pass the hours perusing the many antique shops and galleries lining Insa-dong's alleyways. Here, contemporary art mingles with ancient pottery and vintage jewelry. Books with well worn covers wait to tell their stories while hand made paper begs for new stories to be written. There is something here for every eye, and I browse slowly, finding treasures among the multitude.
Weary shoppers can stop for a cup of tea in one of the many traditional tea houses or modern cafes in the area. I order a warm cup of daechu-cha, or jujube tea. Its aroma and deep red color are equally as pleasing as its sweet flavor. The tea is served in a beautiful earthenware cup with slivers of jujube and pine nuts floating along its surface. Some say the jujube helps alleviate stress, and curled up in my chair, I can certainly feel its magic. Fully relaxed, I drift back into the street and head home, arms laden with bags.
By now the sun is sinking low in the sky, peeking between the industrial giants before disappearing beneath the mountains. I sit down at an outdoor restaurant with a friend and order steaming pots of soon dubu jjigae, a favorite of mine. The spicy soup brimming with tofu and vegetables is served in a stone bowl which keeps it bubbling hot long after it arrives at the table. My skin flushes as I eat spoonfuls of the spicy liquid, warming me as the air cools and the night rolls in over the city.
We finish our meal and seek out the highest bar we can find for a glass of wine and a view. The mountains in the distance are a study in texture and hue. They multiply and saturate until the deepest blues melt into the soft night air. We sit silently a long while and a feeling of gratitude swells inside of me for all of seen and done and learned over the past year. Meanwhile the light of day softens into the glow of night.
The neon lights of the city beckon us, drawing us back into its center. The intersections are draped in webs of pedestrians, all eager to partake in Seoul's legendary nightlife. Vendors line the busy streets and a mosaic of street food smells fill the air. There are thousands of bars and cafes in the city, but no matter which one we choose, we always manage to find a familiar face or discover a new friend. Tonight should be no different. Surely some adventure awaits us in the ever vigilant city of Seoul. Another chapter in an infinite volume, a story as of yet, untold.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Top Moments of 2009
I'd like to think about my goals for 2010 while I am away for the next two weeks in the tropical paradise that is Boracay. This will be my last post of 2009, so I thought I would choose my favorite moments of the past year...
1. Coming out of a laid back rooftop bar in Chiang Mai to find a baby elephant trudging along up the road, which we then proceeded to pet and kiss like crazy.
2. My Italian dinner date with Lacy and Maddy in Chiang Mai - it was the origin of the A Team, a collaboration prophesied by the ancients and written in the stars.
3. Swimming to a deserted island on Koh Chang. We swam in the open ocean for an hour, all the while thinking about sharks and ugly black rock crabs. Then we had to drag ourselves over slimy rocks in only inches of water for what seemed the length of a football field because we the rocks were to slippery to walk on. We made it to the beach eventually and broke coconuts with rocks then drank the fresh juice.
4. Standing at the observation deck of the world's tallest building, Taipei 101
5. Covering ourselves in mud for hours on end at Mudfest.
6. Our idyllic mountain top bungalow in Koh Phagnan where we met our "shaman" and passed a magical night celebrating his birthday.
7. Standing in the sea on Tsushima, Japan after surviving an arduous bicycle odyssey.
8. Luxury noraebanging with our new friend Kevin in Busan (noraebang is a karaoke room)
9. Bungee Jumping- it was horrifying, but I did it.
10. And finally, writing my 100th blog post today and discovering that I have had 2,000 profile views this year. Thanks to everyone who finds the time to read my ramblings, I hope they've been somewhat amusing. Here's to more adventures next year!!
Happy Holidays
1. Coming out of a laid back rooftop bar in Chiang Mai to find a baby elephant trudging along up the road, which we then proceeded to pet and kiss like crazy.
2. My Italian dinner date with Lacy and Maddy in Chiang Mai - it was the origin of the A Team, a collaboration prophesied by the ancients and written in the stars.
3. Swimming to a deserted island on Koh Chang. We swam in the open ocean for an hour, all the while thinking about sharks and ugly black rock crabs. Then we had to drag ourselves over slimy rocks in only inches of water for what seemed the length of a football field because we the rocks were to slippery to walk on. We made it to the beach eventually and broke coconuts with rocks then drank the fresh juice.
4. Standing at the observation deck of the world's tallest building, Taipei 101
5. Covering ourselves in mud for hours on end at Mudfest.
6. Our idyllic mountain top bungalow in Koh Phagnan where we met our "shaman" and passed a magical night celebrating his birthday.
7. Standing in the sea on Tsushima, Japan after surviving an arduous bicycle odyssey.
8. Luxury noraebanging with our new friend Kevin in Busan (noraebang is a karaoke room)
9. Bungee Jumping- it was horrifying, but I did it.
10. And finally, writing my 100th blog post today and discovering that I have had 2,000 profile views this year. Thanks to everyone who finds the time to read my ramblings, I hope they've been somewhat amusing. Here's to more adventures next year!!
Happy Holidays
Monday, December 21, 2009
20 '09 Resolutions Revisited
I started off my blog by making 20 resolutions/predictions for the year ahead. Let's take a look and see how it all went...
1. to see a bamboo forest. Hmmm, well, no, didn't do that... To be honest I'm not really even sure where to find a bamboo forest around here... maybe next year in Japan.
2. to stand on the Great Wall of China. Okay... off to a slow start. No China yet.
3. to go swimming in the ocean in every place possible. Thailand, Japan, Korea, the Philippines... not bad, not bad.
4. to hear wild elephants trumpet in Chiang Mai. Saw, played with, kissed, fed and heard plenty of elephants in Chiang Mai... magical
5. to smell the cherry blossoms in spring time. I even took a picture, Korean style...
6. to taste sushi in Japan. I did this just in time, as I've now given up seafood.
7. to touch an ancient Buddha. I have had my Buddha fill over here and it never gets old.
8. to learn to meditate in a temple. I never wrote a post on the temple stay I did in Korea recently, but we did in fact practice several types of meditation in a temple.
9. to remember how transient life is. A work in progress. I still try to be mindful of this whenever possible.
10. to forget my limitations. Did that on more than a few occasions... Sometimes it doesn't have quite the desired effect...
11. to keep up with my yoga! Happy to report I have done this. I took an amazing Hatha (hot) yoga class with Maddy just last night!
12. to read at least five modern classics. I've read about 45,000 books so far this year, so I'm going to consider this accomplished. The best? Tropic of Cancer, Murakami's short stories, Shadow of the Wind, and The Heart of the World by Ian Baker
13. to find new friends in unusual places. This I have done for sure. (Read my blog for proof!!)
14. to write about fear and loneliness. My blogs seem to be overwhelmingly positive, which has matched my mood this year. I have to say I have never been so consistently and overwhelmingly content and my writing has reflected it. I think I was very nervous (and still home!) when I made this list. Still, I'd like to delve into these emotions.
15. to travel to a place whose name I don't even know yet. Koh Chang, Koh Phi Phi, Krabi, Busan, Tsushima, every suburb/dong in Seoul, Boracay... the list continues...
16. to teach with passion, commitment, and silliness in proper doses. I couldn't begin to comment on this. I love teaching, I want to be a good teacher, I try to be a good teacher. There are also days when I just can't find the motivation.
17. to conquer the Korean language... or maybe just learn a few conversational bits... BA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! No, but seriously.... BA HA HA HA HA HA!!
18. to say yes to new opportunities even when i feel like being a hermit. I'd like to thank Maddy for helping me accomplish this one...
19. to organize a trip to Bali. Oh Bali, plane tickets to you are very expensive, so your cousin the Philippines won out. I want to see you so bad. Let's play next year. Your friend, Brittany
20. to plan another year as if it were my last. 20 '10 Resolutions doesn't have the same ring to it, but I'll have to come up with something equally genius before I fly off to paradise.
1. to see a bamboo forest. Hmmm, well, no, didn't do that... To be honest I'm not really even sure where to find a bamboo forest around here... maybe next year in Japan.
2. to stand on the Great Wall of China. Okay... off to a slow start. No China yet.
3. to go swimming in the ocean in every place possible. Thailand, Japan, Korea, the Philippines... not bad, not bad.
4. to hear wild elephants trumpet in Chiang Mai. Saw, played with, kissed, fed and heard plenty of elephants in Chiang Mai... magical
5. to smell the cherry blossoms in spring time. I even took a picture, Korean style...
6. to taste sushi in Japan. I did this just in time, as I've now given up seafood.
7. to touch an ancient Buddha. I have had my Buddha fill over here and it never gets old.
8. to learn to meditate in a temple. I never wrote a post on the temple stay I did in Korea recently, but we did in fact practice several types of meditation in a temple.
9. to remember how transient life is. A work in progress. I still try to be mindful of this whenever possible.
10. to forget my limitations. Did that on more than a few occasions... Sometimes it doesn't have quite the desired effect...
11. to keep up with my yoga! Happy to report I have done this. I took an amazing Hatha (hot) yoga class with Maddy just last night!
12. to read at least five modern classics. I've read about 45,000 books so far this year, so I'm going to consider this accomplished. The best? Tropic of Cancer, Murakami's short stories, Shadow of the Wind, and The Heart of the World by Ian Baker
13. to find new friends in unusual places. This I have done for sure. (Read my blog for proof!!)
14. to write about fear and loneliness. My blogs seem to be overwhelmingly positive, which has matched my mood this year. I have to say I have never been so consistently and overwhelmingly content and my writing has reflected it. I think I was very nervous (and still home!) when I made this list. Still, I'd like to delve into these emotions.
15. to travel to a place whose name I don't even know yet. Koh Chang, Koh Phi Phi, Krabi, Busan, Tsushima, every suburb/dong in Seoul, Boracay... the list continues...
16. to teach with passion, commitment, and silliness in proper doses. I couldn't begin to comment on this. I love teaching, I want to be a good teacher, I try to be a good teacher. There are also days when I just can't find the motivation.
17. to conquer the Korean language... or maybe just learn a few conversational bits... BA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! No, but seriously.... BA HA HA HA HA HA!!
18. to say yes to new opportunities even when i feel like being a hermit. I'd like to thank Maddy for helping me accomplish this one...
19. to organize a trip to Bali. Oh Bali, plane tickets to you are very expensive, so your cousin the Philippines won out. I want to see you so bad. Let's play next year. Your friend, Brittany
20. to plan another year as if it were my last. 20 '10 Resolutions doesn't have the same ring to it, but I'll have to come up with something equally genius before I fly off to paradise.
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